I have decided that I want to do 15 minutes of weekly journaling. I like the idea of spending a few minutes every week just thinking about my own thoughts and writing them down. It might sound silly but I really enjoy interacting with my little old Apple MacBook Air 11 inch, typing on these nice capsule keys, surrounded by some coffee and all the little stickers of the trip I took in 2014 or whenever that was (man, I can’t believe that was 10 years ago). So what am I thinking about this morning? I’m pondering the idea of relaxing. I started recently on a low dose of these SSRI medications, specifically one called LexPro, on the advice of my therapist. I thought it would be interesting just to see if it made any difference; I wasn’t feeling particularly depressed, but in a way I thought that would be a good time to try it, because then I would feel free to stop doing it if I wanted to without fear of reverting to some super-depressed state. So here I am, on LexPro, and the thing that is most obvious is that I have a lot more desire - and ability - all of a sudden to just rest. I’ve been taking naps on a couch that I put in the back yard, outdoors because the weather has been amazing - and usually I have a hard time napping during the day but because of the drugs it’s been easy to just lay there and listen to the birds and fall asleep. And so I’ve been thinking a lot about rest, and what rest means, and why we rest, both from a medical standpoint but also a philosophical one. I don’t really believe in God in a literal sense, but if the universe was designed all at once, I think it’s interesting that whoever built in included the idea of rest. If you think about it, there doesn’t seem to be any obvious reason why it would be neccessary. It’s not an evolutionary advantage; the last thing you want, when a lion is chasing you, or you’re hungry, is to also have to deal with falling asleep. But I think perhaps, if whoever designed the universe has a sense of aesthetics, it might be to introduce the idea of contrast. I’m fascinated by this idea that in music, to make something sound louder, you reduce the volume slowly in the lead up, so that by the time the “loud” part happens, it might not be that much louder than normal but it sounds louder because of the contrast. So maybe rest is the antipode to activity and adventures; the way to make them seem even more, well, adventurous.

I feel like personal adventures are coming up soon; I’m still not sure exactly what form they will take, but this period of rest I think is preparing me for them. And it’s interesting to think about people who, for whatever reason, are lacking rest. I think of course all the time about the poor folks in Ukraine, and the bombing, and the inability to slow down, and what it does to a person’s psyche. I feel that one thing it does is make anything good or fun or adventurous so much less so, because all you’re thinking to yourself is “this is nice, but what I really need is a nap!”

So I’m grateful today for naps in my backyard with the birds.