I’ve noticed something. People want to know what you’re all about. They want to understand you, like you would understand a novel or a movie. Recently, I started setting up a film studio, with a green screen. And I’ve been telling people about it, because it’s awesome and I’m proud of it. But one of the first questions everybody asks is, what are you going to film? And this is a sensible question. Were the roles reversed I’m sure I’d ask the same thing. It’s a logical, intelligent and thoughtful question. But I’m finding increasingly a sense of resistance to answering that question. It seems somehow less fun and less open and free. When I think about setting up the studio, the world feels full of possibilities. But when I start to try to get specific and answer those well-meaning questions, I find myself feeling trapped or anxious. It’s not that I don’t have any ideas about what I want to film. It’s that those ideas are kinda floppy, sorta hard to express, a bit open. And I kinda like it that way. As somebody who’s spent most of my life trying to be successful and meeting the expectations of others, it’s fun to just have a creative space to fool around in. Of course, at some point I will want to become specific about what I’m doing and what I’m trying to shoot, but at the moment it feels more like a kid with a bunch of toys. Maybe it’ll be Buzz Lightyear, maybe cops and robbers. Who knows.
So I’m listening to that voice, that says it’s not important to grow up right away all the time. That can come with time.
